Nurturing the Ties that Bind: Strengthening the Parent/Child Relationship

“Romance fails us and so do friendships, but the relationship of parent and child, less noisy than all the others, remains indelible and indestructible, the strongest relationship on earth”
-- Theodore Reik 

Valentine’s Day is a great time to reflect on relationships with all of the people we love, especially our children. The relationship between parent and child is unlike any other.  Rooted in unconditional love-- it endures. Yet, like all relationships, it requires nurturing. Maintaining a strong parent/child bond is important for healthy child development. It builds self esteem and confidence in children, gives them a sense of security and lays a foundation for future relationships in their lives. In fact, some studies show that children who are close to their parents have better behavior and academic performance than those who are not. Despite our best intentions, our busy lives often make spending time with our children difficult. Fortunately, it’s not the quantity of time spent, but the quality of that time that will bring about a strong and loving family connection.

To strengthen the family bonds in your home try the following:

Take time to have one-on-one conversations with your child daily. Be sure that your conversation is not one-sided or limited to giving instructions; but one that encourages a mutual sharing of experiences and ideas.  Even if your time is limited, focus squarely on your child and listen carefully to what he has to say. Make an effort to show interest in the things that are important to him. 

Set aside “special time” to spend alone with your child to do an activity that promotes communication and positive interaction.  This scheduled time to relax and have fun with your child is one of the best ways to foster a close connection. Find activities that you both enjoy. Take a walk, play a game, read or visit a museum together. Whatever you decide to do, avoid distractions or interruptions like phone calls, computers or television.  Commit to doing an activity on a regular basis. Whether daily or weekly, fifteen minutes or an hour, it is important that the time alone is seen as truly “special.”  

Encourage your child’s spirit with loving words and affection. Speak to her in a loving and respectful manner and compliment her on the things she does well. Always tell your child how much you love her. Be affectionate!  Studies show that when parents are affectionate, children form the attachments necessary for healthy mental and emotional development. Children are never too old for a hug!

The precious time we have to spend with our rapidly growing children is fleeting.  Make the most of every opportunity to strengthen the family ties for a lifetime.

~Sheila~

Copyright © 2013 by Gardener Parenting Consultants, LLC

New Year Resolutions Are Not Just for Adults!

Its never too early to teach children how to set and accomplish goals. Children of every age have goals, --from learning to tie shoes, read or ride a bike, to getting a driver’s license or landing that first job. When we take time to teach our children how to visualize their goals and set a course of action for attaining them, we give them a template for success that will enable them to confidently tackle challenges throughout their lives. Making a resolution is easy. Creating a workable plan of action is the key to success.

To help your child set and reach goals, try the following:

Guide your child in choosing a goal.

Depending on your child's age, encourage her to establish personal goals in key aspects of her life: Physical, Spiritual, Educational, Financial and Social (all relationships/friendships). Give her freedom to articulate her goals. Does she want to earn an “A” in English, make the basketball team or save money for a special toy? Avoid telling her what you think her goals should be. Instead, guide her in choosing goals that are reasonable and attainable within the year. For long term goals, focus on milestones that can be met within the year.

Visualize goals and develop strategies for achievement.

Bring goals to life by creating a vision board. Have your child write down, draw or cut and paste pictures representing his goals. Help him brainstorm concrete steps necessary to accomplish them. Help him prioritize the steps into at least three reasonable actions that he will take to reach his target. Write them down. Have him think about the obstacles he is likely to encounter, and discuss how he will overcome them. Place the vision board in a place where he will see it and repeatedly be inspired.

Review goals periodically.

Take time to sit with your child to review her goals. Remember to encourage her by acknowledging the progress she has made. Be specific when sharing your observations. If progress has been difficult, reconsider the action steps. Were they unreasonably difficult? Were there unforeseen challenges? Help her refine her plan of action if necessary. Learning to adjust and problem solve while remaining focused on her goal is an important life skill to develop.

When a goal is attained...Celebrate! Acknowledgement of a job well done encourages children and reinforces the lessons learned about the benefits of focused, hard work.

~Sheila~

Copyright © 2012 by Gardener Parenting Consultants, LLC

Life Lessons From The Election

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“Democracy cannot succeed unless those who express their choice are prepared to choose wisely. The real safeguard of democracy, therefore, is education.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt

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As this election season draws to a close there are many, both young and old, who are breathing a sigh of sweet relief.  Without a doubt, it has been contentious, with memorable moments, replete with zingers and sound-bites.  Yet, this is the democratic process at work – candidates making their case before “We, the people”.  In this, and future election cycles, we parents would do well to progressively indoctrinate our children, so that they are fully prepared to participate as engaged citizens at the age of 18.  

In recent months, we’ve seen extensive print and media coverage offering in-depth (and sometimes, pretty shallow) perspectives of the candidates, their personal stories and their political views regarding vital issues of our time.  All of these sources likely shaped many family discussions as well as our assessments of the recent debates.  After Election Day, it’s all over, right?  It doesn’t have to be.  There are lessons from this process that our children can take with them in their daily lives:                     

It’s ok to disagree without being disagreeable.  Whether engaged in a formal debate or a casual conversation, children should recognize that others are entitled to opinions that are different from their own.  These opposing ideas can be exchanged respectfully, without hard feelings or severed relationships.

Pick apart ideas, but not people.  The focus should be on defending or disproving ideas, not tearing down the people who have opposing ideas.   A gentle reminder in this area can ease communications in family meetings, social settings and in the classroom.  

Decide what you believe to be true and stand on it.   Family life plays an important role here, for where else do our children get their early ideas of how the world works?  It’s the laboratory where values crystallize.  Have frequent dialogues with your children about what they are reading, seeing, and learning and encourage them to express their feelings about what they think is right as well what seems wrong to them.  Offer different perspectives to help them either strengthen their original positions or judiciously and courageously change their minds in the face of compelling, new information.    

Do your homework.  Just as practice and preparation enable our children to perform certain skills in school, doing the work of learning about the world we live in and the people we live among prepares our children to engage intelligently and confidently with others.  Whether in school, on the job, or in the community, our children should be prepared to support their opinions and actions with solid facts.  Share your experiences of how you gather information to support your decisions, personal and professional.   

It’s not enough to say you can do a better job, come with a plan.  Our children should be encouraged to move beyond merely finding fault in others' ideas to offering alternatives to the current way of doing or thinking about things.  Again, the courage to respectfully challenge the status quo really does begin in a supportive home.  

Have the courage to defend your position.  Once our son or daughter has established a position, he or she will need the courage to stand on principle and defend it.  By giving our children a voice, if not always their choice, in family matters, we establish a proving ground for the courage of conviction we hope they will exhibit in the outside world. 

Our children are being exposed to mature experiences at an increasingly younger age and a strong constitution is invaluable in times like these.  Armed with these life lessons, they can decide when to hold, when to fold, and when to walk away, with their dignity intact.    

~Carol~

Copyright ©2012 Gardener Parenting Consultants, LLC   All rights reserved

7 Steps for a Successful Parent – Teacher Conference

Parent Teacher conferences are just around the corner. Are you ready? The parent –teacher conference is a great way to examine your child’s progress, share important observations and connect with your child’s teacher to build the home-school partnership.  

To make the most of your conference time, consider the following:

1.       Prepare questions ahead of time. The time allotted for conferences is often quite limited. At least one week prior to your conference, begin reflecting on your child’s progress. Ask your child what he thinks his teacher will tell you. List your questions and observations and bring them with you to the conference.  If you feel that your questions will require more discussion time, consider emailing them to the teacher prior to the conference so that she may have adequate time to prepare or schedule a longer conference time.

2.       Take notes.  Taking good notes will help you give your child accurate feedback following the conference, track progress as the year continues,  and assure that you have correct information to follow up on action items.

3.       Be willing to talk and listen. After reflecting for some time on what you want to share with your child’s teacher, it may take some effort to sit back and truly listen. This is especially difficult when a teacher shares challenges your child may be experiencing.  It is natural for us to feel discomfort when hearing negative information about our children. It is important that we resist getting caught up in emotion, and listen with an open mind, focused on finding solutions.

4.       When problems arise, explore solutions together.  Children are best supported when parents and teachers work as a team to develop and implement well informed strategies.  Both parents and teachers must follow through with the plan of action and communicate often to share feedback and modify the plan when necessary.

5.       Share what is working well for your child.  Teachers appreciate positive feedback! It encourages them and gives them valuable information on what works best for your child.

6.       Thank your child’s teacher. Teaching is a noble and challenging profession. Conference time is a good opportunity to take the time to let teachers know how much you appreciate them and the commitment they have made to your child. 

7.       Follow-up.  In the weeks following your conference, be sure to follow-up on any plans discussed.
 
A good Parent-Teacher-Child triad relationship is a key part of your child's academic success. Like all valuable relationships, it must be built on regular, positive communication; a cooperative spirit and mutual respect.  

~Sheila~
 Want to learn more about building the Home-School partnership? Register for our course, Allies for Excellence:Building the Home-School Partnership, Saturday, November 3. Click here for more information
 

Copyright ©2012 Gardener Parenting Consultants, LLC   All rights reserved

A Smooth Move Up: Managing School Transitions

“Growth means change, and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown.” ~Anonymous 

This fall I will be sending my second child off to high school. Much like earlier transitions to kindergarten and middle school, my daughter’s emotions vacillate between excitement and anxiety, along with a bit of sadness from having to leave a school home she knew and loved. Its unbelievable how time flies! My daughter has grown in a million wonderful ways. Yet, as she embarks on this new adventure, she still needs our help to ease those anxious moments and set her on a smooth path.

Children of all ages need our support as they make those important academic transitions in their lives. How we approach the change sets the tone for our children. Positivity and encouragement are paramount, yet there are other important steps we can take that may have a big impact.

Things parents can do to ease transitions:

Take advantage of opportunities to acclimate your child to the new school environment over the summer by enrolling him in camps, sports, or clubs, offered on campus. This will help him become familiar with his new surroundings while forging new friendships. If you have not already done so, visit the school with your child to meet faculty and staff. Attend all orientation activities and make an effort to meet other families.

Become part of the parent association or other parent volunteer groups. Volunteering is a great way to make connections in the school community that will benefit you and your child. When children see their parents serving their school, it increases their level of comfort and creates a greater sense of community. Additionally, many studies show that parent involvement in school results in academic improvement.

It is normal for children to have some anxiety or fear about entering a new environment. It is also common for them to feel some sadness about leaving their comfortable and familiar former school home. Allow them to express those feelings and respond with affection and encouragement. Learning how to navigate a new social dynamic is often the major source of anxiety for children. While creating opportunities for them to form new friendships, make an effort to maintain your child’s current strong friendships to ease anxiety and feelings of loss.

Want to learn more about how to help your child be successful this coming school year? Attend one of our two upcoming workshops, Ready, Set, Soar: Preparing for Academic Success. August 11 and 25. Log on to www.gardenerparenting.com, and click on "Events" for course and registration information.

~Sheila~
Copyright ©2012 Gardener Parenting Consultants, LLC   All rights reserved