Nurturing the Ties that Bind: Strengthening the Parent/Child Relationship

“Romance fails us and so do friendships, but the relationship of parent and child, less noisy than all the others, remains indelible and indestructible, the strongest relationship on earth”
-- Theodore Reik 

Valentine’s Day is a great time to reflect on relationships with all of the people we love, especially our children. The relationship between parent and child is unlike any other.  Rooted in unconditional love-- it endures. Yet, like all relationships, it requires nurturing. Maintaining a strong parent/child bond is important for healthy child development. It builds self esteem and confidence in children, gives them a sense of security and lays a foundation for future relationships in their lives. In fact, some studies show that children who are close to their parents have better behavior and academic performance than those who are not. Despite our best intentions, our busy lives often make spending time with our children difficult. Fortunately, it’s not the quantity of time spent, but the quality of that time that will bring about a strong and loving family connection.

To strengthen the family bonds in your home try the following:

Take time to have one-on-one conversations with your child daily. Be sure that your conversation is not one-sided or limited to giving instructions; but one that encourages a mutual sharing of experiences and ideas.  Even if your time is limited, focus squarely on your child and listen carefully to what he has to say. Make an effort to show interest in the things that are important to him. 

Set aside “special time” to spend alone with your child to do an activity that promotes communication and positive interaction.  This scheduled time to relax and have fun with your child is one of the best ways to foster a close connection. Find activities that you both enjoy. Take a walk, play a game, read or visit a museum together. Whatever you decide to do, avoid distractions or interruptions like phone calls, computers or television.  Commit to doing an activity on a regular basis. Whether daily or weekly, fifteen minutes or an hour, it is important that the time alone is seen as truly “special.”  

Encourage your child’s spirit with loving words and affection. Speak to her in a loving and respectful manner and compliment her on the things she does well. Always tell your child how much you love her. Be affectionate!  Studies show that when parents are affectionate, children form the attachments necessary for healthy mental and emotional development. Children are never too old for a hug!

The precious time we have to spend with our rapidly growing children is fleeting.  Make the most of every opportunity to strengthen the family ties for a lifetime.

~Sheila~

Copyright © 2013 by Gardener Parenting Consultants, LLC

Hold on tight! Keeping the Family Connected

School’s back in session. Homework’s back. Exams are back. After-school activities are back. Stress is back! How do we hold it all together? Noted essayist, George Santayana, wrote, “The family is one of nature’s masterpieces.” Our job of preserving the masterpiece that is our family gets a little bit harder when we and our children are pulled in so many directions. But, maintaining a nurturing family bond can be done. Here are a few ideas.

Hit the high notes. An encouraging word from you at just the right moment can be music to your child’s ears. Place a note in her lunchbox or leave a note on his pillow just to let him know you see how hard he’s working or to cheer him when he’s down.

Make the most of the mundane. You’ve gotta get it done – who says it can’t be fun?
- Write intriguing topics on slips of paper, place them in a jar, and pull one out to read at meal time and engage children in interesting discussions at the table.

- Read and learn on the run. As you’re driving the family shuttle, encourage your child to read or tell a story aloud. You could also discuss current events, or play counting or naming games during your commute.

- Talk to your child about her work or experiences at school, asking engaging questions requiring more than “yes” or “no” answers. Also, share interesting highlights from your day.

- Wake up your child’s mind at breakfast with a quote of the day or word for the day.

Build bridges. Look for opportunities to work or play with your children. Build on a common interest or join your child in exploring his interests or hobbies.

- Work on joint projects for fun such as cooking, arts and crafts, complex puzzles, model building etc. If the project requires more than one sitting, you have a special reason to reconnect to see the job through.

- Share the load. It is important that children contribute regularly to the running of the household and some chores can easily be completed by two people. Engage your child’s participation and talk as you work. The work can be completed much faster, you might learn something new about your child, and you can both take pride in a job well done.

- Give Back. Seek out opportunities to lend a hand to others in the community. This shared experience will set a powerful example for your child and instill in her an interest and concern for others outside her own world.

- Read together at bedtime. This can be enjoyable even after your child knows how to read. For older children, tackle an epic novel that requires several nights of reading. Aside from strengthening focus, listening and reading skills, this is a wonderful way to wind down together.

Create Special Time. Plan activities between one parent and one child that encourage interaction and allow for communication and reflection. This time should be carved out on a consistent basis. Fifteen to twenty minutes per day may work for younger children and longer periods on a weekly basis may work best for school aged children. However you work it out, it should be uninterrupted time that your child can count on with you. You might play a game, have a long talk, take a long walk, or whatever the two of you can dream up.

Hold family meetings. Coming together on a weekly basis helps keep everyone in the loop. Use these meetings to share family news, review the schedule for the coming week, plan fun family activities, encourage each other, and tackle family challenges together.

These are a few elements with which you can continue to refine a great masterpiece your children will cherish for a lifetime.

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Copyright c 2010 by Gardener Parenting Consultants, LLC