Just Do It: Encourage Your Children Even When You're Not So Sure

“If you hold a cat by the tail, you learn things you cannot learn any other way.” – Mark Twain

Grabbing a cat by the tail? That’s risky. Yet, as I watch my son receive an award today for his performance on the middle school basketball team, I realize that he has been doing exactly that over the last year – with awesome results!

Standing 5"8' at 12 years old, basketball might seem like a no-brainer for him, but it hasn’t been an easy ride. Aside from the awkwardness that a child who grows so fast might experience, he has had to overcome some challenges with hand-eye coordination, and gross and fine motor movement since he was young. These challenges, and his low frustration tolerance, prompted us to delay his entry into competitive sports until things “came together” for him. He tried out for his school’s basketball team last year and was not selected, much to his great disappointment. Instead, he joined the team in our community league, where tryouts were not necessary, but his teammates were far more experienced. In the spring, he set his sights on running track for the first time. He had always been fast, but endurance was going to be a challenge, I thought. By the end of the spring season, he was winning most of his races and relay legs. Additionally, he ended the year running the fastest mile of all the students in his grade and he is ahead of his classmates again this year. He was named Rookie of the Year for his track team last spring.

This fall, he decided he wanted to play soccer. Here again, I thought "not only has he not played the game ever, but soccer players are usually pretty compact". After the first few practices, he proclaimed, "I'm not one of the best players on the team, but I believe I can help the team". While he did not exhibit the fancy footwork of his teammates, who clearly had been playing since preschool, it turned out he really could move the ball on the field, he loved doing "headers", and his coach said he had "great field presence". Also in the fall, he ventured into new territory and selected violin instruction for his music requirement. He had never shown a natural affinity for music and I also wondered about his handling of the instrument, itself. I worried he would get discouraged and hate practicing. It was hard for him in the beginning, but he was willing to practice, anyway. He hasn’t committed to a concert career yet, but he did earn an “A” in the class.

As you can see, I harbored a few reservations here and there. However, we still found ways to encourage our son along the way:

- We asked him to do the research regarding skills, equipment and expenses as well as time commitments associated with each activity.

- We requested his agreement to put in the hard work necessary to learn the new skills and fairly determine, at the end, if he had a long-term interest in the new activity.

- We let him create, and work, his own game plan for success with minimal reminders to stay on task.

- We showed up to support him at all performances and athletic events and shamelessly, but respectfully, cheered him on.

My son reminded me this year, that anything is possible, if you dare to believe. Noted American actress and writer, Ruth Gordon, said “Courage is like a muscle. We strengthen it with use.” We are so thankful we were able to see our son’s courage grow so strong this year. More importantly, though, we are grateful that he saw it for himself.

~Carol~

For more thoughts on encouraging children, check these books out at our e-store (http://astore.amazon.com/garparconllc-20):

The Optimistic Child: A Proven Program to Safeguard Against Depression and Build Lifelong Resilience, by Martin E. Seligman, Ph.D.

In Their Own Way: Discovering and Encouraging Your Child's Multiple Intelligences by Thomas Armstrong

Pack Encouragement!

"If everyone received the encouragement they need to grow, the genius in most everyone would blossom and the world would produce abundance beyond our wildest dreams."
~Sidney Madwed

School bells will soon ring. The backpacks have been purchased and packed, new sneakers broken in, and a few kindergartners have already packed their first lunches. Upon outward glance, the children are ready. When we take time to look deeper, we'll find that a heart full of encouragement is an important additional supply they need to carry with them.

Children need our encouragement to build faith in themselves and their abilities. Each child will undoubtedly go through ups and downs this coming school year. Now and throughout their lives our children will need fortitude and optimism to maintain a willingness to try even in the face of disappointment. It is important for parents to encourage children with words and actions that promote the confidence needed for lifelong success.

Encourage with words. Tell your children that you love them, are proud of them and believe in their abilities. Compliment their strengths as well as noticeable growth in challenges they have been working on. Be specific so that they know exactly which behaviors warrant duplicating. Avoid compliments that bring up past mistakes. Instead of saying,"Your backpack looks neat now, I hope you can finally keep it that way." Try, "Wow, your backpack is so well organized! Great idea. I know that will be a really big help to you." Encourage your child through written word with notes in their lunchboxes or on their pillows.

Be affectionate. A hug, kiss or congratulatory fist pump can go a long way.

If your child has a learning difference or other academic challenges, set in place any additional support she may need throughout the year.

Nothing is more encouraging than the satisfaction of reaching a goal. Help your child establish her own personal goals for the school year. Write them in a journal. Allow your child to come up with strategies for reaching their goals. Gently guide them toward realistic and doable goals and strategies. This activity will build self-reliance, allowing your child to see her strengths and create a plan of attack for challenges. Additionally, it will give your child the ability to understand and communicate his needs making him a good self-advocate in the classroom-and later in life.

Continue to pack encouragement throughout the year, checking in with your children often to remind them of their capabilities and your love and support.
~Sheila~

Copyright © 2011 Gardener Parenting Consultants, LLC

Check out our recommended item.